TALK WARS >>> Not that any of this mattters one bit, but the folks who really need to walk thanks to the whole Conan/Leno mess are NBC executives Jeff Zucker and Dick Ebersol. Zucker's "brilliant" idea to dump 10 p.m. prime time programming and put a cheap pre-Tonight Show Leno variety hour in its place will go down as one of the worst decisions in the history of television. Ebersol, like Leno, is old and in the way. Nickname: Dick EgoSol. Brutal Truth. Jay Leno's career is so over only the fossils are still watching, and they're bored. His inability to let go and NBC's inability to let him go is going to mean Conan and Letterman will be wiping the floor with Jay until NBC ultimately has to dump him and hire another replacement. They've killed the network and killed the Tonight Show. It's time for the network television industry to get better by hiring better people to run the show. From there they can figure out who should be on the show. Here's a hint: not Jay.

CENTRALIZATION + TRANSPARENCY >>> Having a centralized system for the health care industry, the airline industry, and the national security industry would go a long way toward solving many issues of fraud and security facing our country. On the other hand, we don’t trust our government or the independent entities that would have the power and depth of knowledge this type of centralized knowledge would generate. So either we need to develop a method for providing oversight into these areas of intelligence to satisfy the security and privacy needs of American individuals, or we continue to go without the benefits such unified information could bring. Is it possible? If you had told me about the invention of the light bulb without actually showing me one in action I probably wouldn’t have believed you.

EMPLOYMENT WOES >>> To fix the real employment issues in this country, in addition to adding social utility as a component to evaluate the products we create, we also need to analyze worker productivity, and hours worked. When I was working full time, I would measure the health of my job, and my company, by how many different people’s jobs I was doing at one time. The more my company had me doing a job that should be done by someone else, the less I felt the company had its shit together. I recommend that all companies look at the roles their employees are playing, and if possible, expand their payrolls to hire more people to get essential work done.

Government, in turn, should be creating incentives for companies to hire more, including tax breaks, and simplification of unemployment ramifications. The government also needs to get back to the job of making sure mergers and acquisitions are creating an optimal environment for employing the most people. We’ve let companies run in a way to maximize corporate profitability and shareholder value for years, often to the long-term detriment of our society. Now it’s time to optimize for maximum employment, healthier employees, and satisfactory employment conditions. Shift the balance toward the people, not the machine.

THE KEY TO THE HEALTHCARE DEBATE >>> Doctors will need to push insurance companies, by way of the government, to change the system so that it benefits the patients, not the bureaucrats. To do that, doctors will need to stop being bureaucrats themselves. If they can do that, we can have a medical system. If they don’t, we’re going to be splitting pie to benefit business parties, always at the expense of the ill.

THE JACKSONS IN ACTION >>> True, watching the new Jacksons fly-on-the-wall reality show on A&E is a profile in vanity. Michael’s death has “freed” his siblings to exploit Jackson-ism in a way The Gloved One would never enable. Without him, they represent the less talented branch of an American institution. And I mean institution in the broadest sense. But that’s why peeking in on Gary, Indiana’s prodigal family is like watching the aftermath of a nasty, Midwestern train wreck, without the train.

One fascination is that as the Brothers get further from the Jacko/Wacko ego train the more humane they get. Marlon and Tito, for example, are two people who make you not feel dirty about the rise and fall of an American dynasty. Whereas Jermaine is not only psychopathically narcissistic, a la Michael, he’s deeply paranoid and way controlling as well. It’s not the Joe and Michael freak show – the real reality show we were deprived of when Michael was put on permanent anesthesia – but it is slightly depressing, lightly varnished taste.

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ACTION MOVIE PREMISE FOR YA >>> A handsome yet brooding detective must travel back in time to New Orleans pre-Katrina to stop the government from blowing up the levees to flood the city and drown the last physical piece of evidence that JFK was assassinated by the mob. Have at it…

DISCOUNT STRATEGIES >>> Now that the Obama Administration has had hits with Cash for Clunkers and Rebates for First Time Buyers, it’s time to roll out the next set of initiatives designed to appeal to the Value Menu Mentality of America Today.

* Bathtubs for Baby Makers – Women giving birth anywhere in the United States are given a free bathtub remodel from Tubs R Us. Having twins entitles you to a model with Jacuzzi jets.

* Badges for Boneheads – No real economic or job stimulus here, but provides a program with a catchy name for America’s fastest growing intellectual segment. Also gives an opportunity for said segment to bone up on their “We don’t need no stinking…” so-and-so routine.

* Yen for Yachters – Buy one of the big boats currently languishing in America’s docks and harbors and receive enough yen to go on a shopping spree in the Japanese city of your choice. Stimulates two economies.

* Tax Cuts for Conservative Talk-Show Hosts – I bet if we cut their taxes they’d happily spend more time telling you why you should pay yours. This will provide this fast-growing segment benefits in 3 of the 4 new entitlement programs, and 4 out of 4 if they happen to be in the market to buy a yacht.

NO MO JOE >>> Spin the debate any way you want; Joe Lieberman is not a Democrat. And if this country is going to listen to a guy from a Big Insurance state who thought the $3 trillion War in Iraq and dumping more money in Afghanistan are better ideas than spending $800 billion on health care with the real dividends it will ultimately provide, then we’re well on our way back to 8 more years of Bush/Cheney/Rove. Connecticut, get wise and dump this loser already.

RODENT INFESTATION >>> Is there a greater scourge on society than the privacy invading, tragically superficial, psychopathically banal TMZ??? As I flip by this show I feel sorry for all of those kids playing this nasty game, knowing how many people come to Hollywood wanting to make a name for themselves, wanting to show the world how worthwhile they are. Yet what they are doing has absolutely no value at all. And they can see your face and what a sad little sell out you’ve become so young. The best thing you can do while watching this show is change the channel.

PICKING UP THE TAB >>> The only thing that bugs me more about the debate as to whom should pay for Michael Jackson’s funeral – the Jackson Family or the City of Los Angeles – is that whoever it should go to the City of LA should have had a plan in the first place. Whether that’s the mayor’s office or the Department of Public Funerals for Misunderstood Superstars, you don’t pop for $4 million worth of pomp and security if you don’t have a plan to pay for it. Even when it’s for the King of Pop.

IN THE DAYS AND WEEKS AHEAD… >>> The Morning Brief will set about furthering the theory that having more sex will stimulate the economy. Stay tuned!!!

THE TAYLOR SWIFTIZATION OF MODERN MUSIC >>> Someday we won’t actually listen to music, but it will be piped into our brains while we sleep. Music will prescribe and proscribe behavior, shape our mood, and edumacate us so we do the right thing. Won’t be long before Taylor Swift is programmed into our DNA. Do you speak pixie? Don’t worry, you will.

GREAT MOMENTS IN SUPERFICIALITY >>> If anyone knows Alicia Keys’ fashion coordinator, please tell her to advise this beautiful, talented woman to stop wearing shiny, stretchy pants in her television appearances because they’re making her ass look a cargo barge. I’m coming from a place of love here.

SOUL RESURRECTION >>> I don’t want to beat up on Whitney Houston any more than she’s already beat up herself…but (there had to be a but…) I can’t help noticing as she’s being trotted out on the promo circuit to hawk her wares that she’s become the punch drunk Muhammad Ali of diva soul pop. When you think about it it’s kind of a compliment.

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“THE BOX” >>> Despite savage reviews from both critics and movie-goers at large, “The Box” is one of the most intriguing, intelligent and insightful movies of the year. Starring Cameron Diaz, sporting a limp, Frank Langella and James Marsden, written and directed by Richard Kelly (“Donnie Darko,” “Southland Tales”), “The Box” is based on a Twilight Zone episode “Buttons, Buttons” written by Richard Matheson, and while set in the 70s describes a condition central to America’s problems today.

The premise is clever, simple, and fully explained in the trailer. Push a button and get $1,000,000 but someone unknown to you will die. Who cares, right? Take the million and run. But what about The Other who’s gotta get killed? You may not know who they are, yet there’s an impact just the same. It’s that fallout, along with weird yet fascinating visuals (including Mr. Langella’s face) and some creative thinking by Mr. Kelly that makes “The Box” worth your consideration. Forget the critics (except for Roger Ebert, who got it) and take a trip deep into the troubled American psyche.

NO WONDER >>> Banging heads with the insurance industry again this week, and wound up behind the wheel of one of America’s finest, a Chevy Cobalt. Please excuse me if you own one of these beasts, but if you paid $24,000 for one, which would lose to a Dodge Dart in a design contest, I’m wondering how they managed to sell you.

You’d think that by 2010 Chevy would have heard of power doors and windows. The thing is so low it’s like driving an underpowered go-cart. The only option is a mini-jack for your iPod, which sounds great on all two speakers, no extra charge. Given the value of this auto, apparently invented as a low-end rental for the underinsured like me, it’s no wonder Motown is slowly sinking into the Detroit River.

SIGNS OF THE TIMES >>> After 8 years of the Clinton Administration, Sell It On E-bay stores began popping up everywhere. After 8 years of the W. Bush Administration, Turn Your Gold into Cash stores are now ubiquitous.

SHORT ATTENTION SPAN THEATRE >>> Have you noticed that the folks who sold us the Iraq War seven short years ago are the same people telling us that providing health care to those who need it is Marxist, Socialist and bad for us. We shouldn’t have given them what they wanted back then, and we definitely shouldn’t not give them what they don’t want now.

WHEN I GROW UP >>> I want to be the exact and complete opposite of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

FLU SHOTS >>> I believe there’s a direct correlation between the state of the economy and the worldwide flu pandemic. If people weren’t working themselves to exhaustion around the world it would be that much easier to stop the spread of flu in its tracks.

QUICK SOLUTION FOR THE UNEMPLOYMENT PROBLEM >>> Make it illegal for people to work longer than a 40 hour week. If there’s work that needs to be done that can’t be done by your staff in a 40 hour week, hire someone else to work the additional 20-40 hours.

Why have people working themselves to the bone when we have so many people in need of work? Don’t want to mandate? Then provide incentives, like tax breaks for breaking up the workload and hiring more people, and provide discounts to payroll and unemployment taxes. You see? It’s easy.

I’M A PC AND WINDOWS 7 WAS MY IDEA >>> So you’re to blame for that piece of shit…

PENGUINS!!! >>>

WHEN POT IS LEGAL >>> Can’t wait to hear Republican politicians pound their fists about family values and tell us that it happened on Barack Hussein Obama’s watch.

THE BIG WHO CARES >>> Must have been sleeping during Jon and Kate’s first 15 minutes because I can’t understand who would be interested in either of them. Or their octuplets.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT >>> Is it possible that shows like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance is making America better singers and dancers?

TITTY TWISTER!!! >>>

PRICE WARS >>> I’ve always said pricing is one of the toughest jobs in the consumer products business. This week at Whole Foods I was attracted to a package of gingerbread caramels, until I saw the package of 9 cost $10.79. They don’t call it Whole Paycheck for nothing. Then I saw a 2-pack of the exact same caramels for $1.59.

If you do the math, which I do, that means you can get 6 2-packs (or 12 caramels) for $1.25 less than it costs to buy 9 caramels. No special packaging, same exact caramels. This is what you call BAD PRICING STRATEGY, either on the part of Whole Foods, or the caramel maker (Jo’s Candies, since 1946). But I sure am enjoying my gingerbread caramels.

SPOILER ALERT – Twilight: New Moon >>> Hate to spoil the ending for you, but there WILL be a third installment in the Twilight saga. And barring an apocalypse in 2012, a 4th, 5th and 6th as well.

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Have a great week, and Happy Thanksgiving to You and Yours!!!

Your pal,
David.

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SIX DISK CHANGER >>> Weird stuff you probably never heard of:

1. Donnacha Costello, "Together is the New Alone"
2. Plump DJs, "Global Underground DJ"
3. Seu Jorge, "Cru"
4. William Orbit, "My Oracle Lives Uptown"
5. Drummatic Twins, "Hammer + Tongs"
6. Harbour Boat Trips: 01 Copenhagen by Trentemoller
7. DJ Loomer, "Breaks of Fire" (shamless self-plug)

And in the Morning Brief Music Machine, 10 mixes for your listening pleasure:

1. Breaks of Fire
2. Minimal 1
3. Minimal Too
4. Holding Flame (breaks)
5. New Adventures in Space Time (minimal)
6. CF_Minimal
7. Area33_Tribal
8. Independance Electro
9. Burn Night (breaks)
10. First Fridaze (tribal)