Disarming
THE MORNING BRIEF, Vol. IV, #25 (June 18, 2001) -- Who needs guns in summer?
CONTENTS
That's a lot of
bombs, Dick
A Game of Inches
Genius Drivers of the Archipelago
Life Imitating Art
---
Makes me want to shout
Glow-in-the-Dark Diapers
Theft Prevention / Sales Prevention
---
Market Driven Movies
Hall of Fame Moment
Witchblade?
BOOKAGE: "High Fidelity"
FLICKAGE (revisited): "The Tao of Steve"
---
SIX DISK CHANGER
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UPCOMING
CONCERTS
---
CONTRIBUTIONS
THAT'S A LOT OF BOMBS, DICK >>> Presidential wunderkind George W. Bush, Jr. was surprised to learn that the U.S. nuclear arsenal numbered close to 20,000. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfield hopes to narrow that number down to less than 1,000 warheads. Although the real goal is to never have to use any of them. Wait a second...wasn't the big problem that our military was weak?
A GAME OF INCHES >>> Anyone who doesn't believe in the importance of the inch should have been watching the U.S. Open on Sunday. Retief Goosen slid an 18-inch putt that could have clinched the Championship less than an inch past the hole, forcing an eighteen hole playoff today (Monday) with Mark Brooks. Seconds earlier, Stewart Cink missed two such putts to slip from a tie for the lead into third place, missing the playoff by one stroke. Sometimes the difference between success and failure is infinitesimally small.
GENIUS DRIVERS OF THE ARCHIPELAGO >>> Instead of GPS systems as options in cars, how about an interactive tutorial to teach folks how to drive? They could guide drivers through the basics: turning left, merging onto the freeway, the difference between stop and yield, for starters.
LIFE IMITATING ART >>> Turning my attention from a broadcast of "Aliens" on the SuperStation to my kitchen sink, I was alarmed to discover a swarm of ants having at the remains of my delicious breakfast omelette. As Ridley and company were blasting ugly, green acid spewing monsters into oblivion, I proceeded to mercilessly slaughter the tiny, six-legged denizens swarming my Fiestaware. It was, as they say, a blood bath. In life, as in film, the good guy always wins.
MAKES ME WANT TO SHOUT >>> Here's a fun one. Fuckface company Shoutloud.com, which claims to be run out of Europe, is buying up the unclaimed URLs of companies with one but not all of the extensions for their domain names. For example, I own www.morningbrief.net, and Shoutloud bought www.morningbrief.com. They're now offering to sell the .com name back to me in a web auction, bidding beginning at only $250. Figured I'd get around to purchasing all of the extensions one day. But not now. Good to know the scum is out there, don't you think? I feel violated. And I'm sure not playing their game.
GLOW IN THE DARK DIAPERS >>> Who are these really for? What if they keep babies awake at night? You've got these babies tripping out all night on their glowing diapers...that's just got to spell trouble.
THEFT PREVENTION / SALES PREVENTION >>> The big studios backing DVD technology spent an additional two years bringing the new format to market in order to develop a proprietary security system to prevent piracy. In less than a year, the code was cracked and the pirates had their way. Perhaps if they'd taken all of that energy and put it into creating a better, more usable product they'd offset all of the unlawful activity with increased sales. Just a thought.
MARKET DRIVEN MOVIES >>> One of the last things I want to hear about a movie is that it "hits its target demographic." I'm going to a film, not a Focus Group.
HALL OF FAME MOMENT >>> Halle Berry on the MTV Movie Awards: "Pay $8.50 to see "Swordfish" and you get to see these (points to her breasts)." Classy. Even she seemed embarrassed.
MORE PIERCING INSIGHTS ON "WITCHBLADE, THE SERIES" >>> Let me see if I've got this straight: she's a witch who wears pleather and her arm is a big, long knife. Fockin' brilliant.
BOOK REPORT: "High Fidelity" >>> I enjoyed this book, written by Nick Hornby, a great deal. And not because I identify with the main character. I am the main character, but that's not the point. What I liked best was the emotional truthfulness, a sincere testimonial by a not-so-young man who's much more comfortable with his records and a pint than he is with making the big decisions in his life: direction, self-control, commitment.
Set in England (the movie, which stars John Cusack, takes place in the U.S.), the story is chock full of great film and musical references. The obscure cultural details beautifully frame the real substance, which comes in loud and clear: honest, unflattering insight into the single, male mind.
FLICAGE REVISITED: "The Tao of Steve" >>> Let's review the three rules for being a Steve (and hence, getting the girl):
1) Eliminate all
desire.
2) Be excellent in their presence.
3) Retreat.
@ @ @
SIX DISK CHANGER >>> Digging that Air CD:
1. Tom Waits, "Beautiful
Maladies"
2. Soulstice, "Illusion"
3. Air "10,000 Hz Legend" (LARGE!)
4. Wagonchrist, "Musipal"
5. Calexico, "Spoke"
6. Radiohead, "Amnesiac"
7. Tindersticks, "Many"
@ @ @
Have a great week!
Your pal,
David.
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There are those who call me...Tim!
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The Morning Brief can be read every wwweek @ www.smmirror.com -- in the Web Stuff section.
You can also find prior Briefs at www.morningbrief.net if you've got the time. Or load it up from www.avantgo.com and take your Briefs to go.
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DISCLAIMAGE >>> Please feel free to forward The Morning Brief to whomever you like. If you do, in part or in segments, or if you'd like to re-publish, please copy me or just let me know. Thanks for reading!
====
Notable shows in and around Southern
California.
Highly
recommended shows this color.
Red
alert; must see!
6.19.01 - Mad
Professor @ Conga Room
6.20.01 - Guided by Voices @ House of Blues
6.20.01 - Ex-Centric Sound
System @ Conga Room
6.20.01 - Chocolate Genius @ Largo
6.21.01 - Robert Earl Keen @ The Roxy Theatre
6.22.01 -
Mark Eitzel @ Knitting Factory Hollywood
6.23.01 -
Thomas Mapfumo & Blacks Unlimited @ House of Blues
6.23.01 -
Timo Maas @ Spundae/Circus
---
6.27.01 - Phil Lesh @ Greek Theatre
6.28.01 - Michelle Shocked @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance
Series)
6.28.01 - The Incredible Moses Leroy @ The Troubadour
6.29.01 - Red House Painters @ The Troubadour
6.29.01 - Radiohead @ Santa Barbara Bowl
6.30.01 - DJ Dan @ Spundae/Circus
7.01.01 - Ani
DiFranco @ Universal Amphitheatre
7.01.01 - Cesaria Evora &
Bebel Gilberto @ Hollywood Bowl
7.01.01 - DJ Spooky @ The Troubadour
---
7.05.01 - Shuggie Otis @ El Rey Theatre
7.05.01 - Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers @ MOCA at the
Geffen Contemporary
7.06.01 - Shuggie Otis @ El Rey Theatre
7.06.01 - Spearhead @ Conga Room
7.07.01 - Dick Dale @ Roxy Theatre
7.08.01 - Mint Royal @ Knitting Factory Hollywood
---
7.09.01 - The Posies @ The Troubadour
7.10.01 - Air
@ The Mayan
7.11.01 - Los Amigos
Invisibles @ House of Blues
7.11.01 - Air
@ The Mayan
7.12.01 - Air @ The Mayan
7.12.01 - Trey Anastasio
(Phish) @ The Greek Theatre
7.13.01 - Sophie B. Hawkins @ Conga Room
7.14.01 - Ivy
@ The Mint
7.15.01 - Buena Vista Social
Club @ Hollywood Bowl
7.15.01 - Nina Simone @ The Greek Theatre
---
7.19.01 - Transglobal Underground @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance
Series)
7.19.01 - Craig David @ El Rey Theatre
7.19.01 -
Poncho Sanchez @ MOCA at the Geffen Contemporary
7.20.01 - Sade @ Verizon
Wireless Amphitheatre
7.20.01 - Paul Weller @ House of Blues
7.21.01 - Paul Weller @ House of Blues
7.21.01 -
Stereo MCs @ Whisky a GoGo
7.22.01 - Paul Weller @ House
of Blues
7.22.01 - Sade, Youssou N'Dour, Rachid Taha @ Hollywood Bowl
---
7.23.01 - Sade @ Hollywood Bowl
7.24.01 - Charlatans UK @ El Rey Theatre
7.25.01 - Charlatans UK @ Vynyl
7.26.01 - Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers @ Santa
Monica Pier (Twilight Dance Series)
---
7.30.01 - Yes @ Hollywood Bowl
8.01.01 -
Toots and the Maytals @ House of Blues
8.01.01 - The String Cheese
Incident @ The Greek Theatre
8.02.01 - Lagbaja @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance Series)
8.03.01 - War @ The Greek Theatrez
8.04.01 -
Neville Brothers/Steel Pulse @ House of Blues
8.04.01 - Brian Setzer w/Joe
Strummer @ Greek Theatre
8.05.01 - Area:One (Moby, New Order, Tmo Maas) @ Glen Helen
Blockbuster Pavilion
---
8.06.01 -
Roxy Music @ The Greek Theatre
8.07.01 - Roxy Music @ The Greek Theatre
8.08.01 - The Iguanas @ Conga
Room
8.09.01 - Patti Smith @ The Roxy
8.09.01 -
Buckwheat Zydeco @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance Series)
8.12.01 -
Baaba Maal, Angelique Kidjo @ Hollywood Bowl
---
8.14.01 - Depeche Mode @ Staples Center
8.16.01 - Venice @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance Series)
8.16.01 -
Mose Allison @ MOCA at the California Plaza
8.17.01 - Eric Clapton @
Staples Center
8.18.01 - Yellowman @ House of Blues
8.18.01 - Eric Clapton @ Staples Center
8.19.01 - Erykah Badu @ The Greek Theatre
---
8.20.01 - Aerosmith @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
8.22.01 - Aerosmith @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
8.23.01 - Reverend Horton Heat @ Santa Monica Pier (Twilight Dance
Series)
---
10.02.01 - Janet Jackson @ Staples Center
10.06.01 - James Taylor @ Hollywood Bowl
_________________________________
HAVE YOU ever reconsidered? HAVE YOU done something on the spur of a moment? HAVE YOU eaten anything extra yummy? HAVE YOU found a haven? HAVE YOU considered moving to a new climate? HAVE YOU got an axe to grind? HAVE YOU taken a deep breath lately?
RE: YOU SAY YOU WANT AN EXECUTION? >>> McVeigh execution - I used to be a big supporter of the death penalty, figuring, let them get what they deserve. For me, however, the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction. I agree with your points, but what irks me more is the revenge-type mentality this type of justice seems to be fostering. Let's get it on video, make sure the families are there to attend for 'closure'. So I'm supposed to believe that witnessing a death will help me somehow get through my loss?
-- Andrew Schauer.
RE: THE MAULING OF AMERICA >>> By Ariana Huffington.
So sorry I missed last week's National Rifle Association convention in Kansas City -- sounds like it was a doozy. Moses was elected to an unprecedented fourth term as president. Pistol-packing Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton brought good tidings from President W. And NRA mouthpiece Wayne LaPierre helpfully updated the group's list of People We Hate, now headed by the United Nations -- which this summer will hold a gun-control summit.
"The great minds at the U.N. have outclassed our Founding Fathers," sneered LaPierre. "A bunch of foreign governments have dreamt up a better idea than the Bill of Rights."
LaPierre also gave an update on the group's plans to make gun-loving fully automatic fun by opening a chain of retail, dining and entertainment complexes from coast to coast. Known as NRA Sports Blasts, the "family-oriented megastores" will feature a high-tech "virtual" shooting range, a shop peddling everything for the well-accessorized shooter, and a theme restaurant specializing in wild-game cuisine.
Talk about mouth watering -- I can already taste the powder-blackened quail or buckshot-tenderized venison tartar. Who knows, maybe they'll name their dishes after famous gun-lovers: Bernie Goetz Buffalo Burgers, Klebold and Harris Pheasant a la Columbine, Mark David Chapman Strawberry Fields Jubilee and the Kip Kinkel Family Sampler Platter -- all washed down with a frosty Colin Ferguson Long Island Railroad Iced Tea.
Sport shooting is "fun for the whole family," chirped LaPierre when he first unveiled the concept last year. "It's probably about the safest activity an American can pick up as a hobby." Absolutely. How many more times are we going to have to read about a young life cut short in yet another tragic stamp-collecting accident before we finally take to the streets to stop the madness? All Wayne is saying is give guns a chance.
When your message has been judged wanting in the marketplace of ideas, simply dress it up and see if you can sell it in the other marketplace. It's retail democracy. The NRA is desperately trying to remake itself -- to take the focus off party-pooping school shootings and workplace massacres and put it on making packing heat family-friendly.
Philip Morris has been attempting a similar transformation. Utilizing a multimillion-dollar saturation ad campaign, with the cloying tag line "Philip Morris Cares," the corporate giant is trying to shift its image from Big Tobacco to Big-Hearted -- from maker of cancer-causing products to alleviator of hunger, domestic violence and AIDS, from purveyor of pain and suffering to hero in the battle to end them.
So what next? Maybe it should rent space next to the NRA and open a line of Big Tobacco's Puff Palaces -- franchised shrines to the enduring love affair between Americans and smoking. Each Puff Palace could feature a Virtual Trachea ride, allowing visitors to experience the mysterious and often thrilling journey that smoke takes as it travels from the oral cavity down the windpipe and into the literally breathtaking beauty of the lungs. And no more treating tobacco enthusiasts like social lepers, forced to brave the elements to enjoy a refreshing puff -- every table in the Big T Cafe would be in the Smoking Section.
And why stop with these two? Let's open a whole mall of superstores for special-interest groups with a PR problem. Casting aside capital punishment's blood-thirsty, eye-for-an-eye message, the Execution Experience superstore will highlight the fun-for-all-ages aspects of Death Row.
Have a seat in an exact replica of Florida's legendary Old Sparky electric chair -- every 10th customer gets a tush-tingling charge. (Talk about deterrence.) Or play Beat the Pardon, where contestants see if they can pull the switch before the Virtual Governor calls. And no one will be able to resist the mouth-watering all-you-can-eat buffet at the Last Meal Cafe. You name it -- they've got it!
Or how about a Pill for Every Ill -- a family-friendly megastore run by pharmaceutical giants such as Pfizer and Eli Lilly? There'd be something for everyone. Drop those overactive youngsters off in Ritalinland -- there's not much for them to do, but they won't really care. And for your moody teens, there's the Prozac Pizza Parlor -- just one slice, and their troubles melt away.
Mom and Dad can then chill out at the No Angst Lounge with a soothing "smart cocktail" spiked with Valium, Zoloft and Paxil. Walk in stressed, stroll out with a new blissful -- if slightly blurry -- outlook on life. And for Gramps, there's Pfizer's high-tech Virtual Viagra -- all the fun without any of those nasty, life-threatening side effects and featuring a special holographic appearance by erectile-dysfunction poster boy Bob Dole.
It's the Mauling of America.
-- forwarded by Judy Palnick.